Haunted by the Wedding Bell Blues

For some reason, I've been thinking about marriage. I don't know why it's just been on my mind. I would like to do it, but I'm afraid that I will never have the chance.

And to be honest, that fear has made me bitter at times, jealous of others who have found that happiness. I know that's petty, but I'm human and flawed as fu*k.

I wonder sometimes if I'm really ready for marriage. I was in a long-term relationship and thought I was ready, but I wasn't... not even close to it.

I know it will take a lot of work, but I think I'm still in my selfish phase? I'm trying to break into entertainment, working on different projects and still trying to figure life out. I'm so busy being my own biggest fan, I wonder if I have the time to be someone else's cheerleader?

Basically, these thoughts are fueled by getting older and looking for love... I just... I just don't want miss out and get left behind.

10 Major Life Struggles we Often Revisit

I thought about this on the plane ride from DC and finally decided to post it.

In our lives, there are things we struggle with in some form or fashion. We may master them at times, but they often resurface. For me, I usually deal with some of these from time to time. So, let me list these issues and let me know if you have had similar matters.

1. Getting the way of your own dreams
2. Forgetting who you are and what you are capable of
3. Priorities in the Wrong things
4. Not Speaking out or up
5. Not Enjoying the small victories
6. Getting caught up in Sad People's lives
7. Doubting more than Believing
8. Not ready to accept Love
9. Going the Wrong way
10. Settling for less than good

Random Thoughts: Gay Activism

My struggles with some gay activists continues. It's interesting how we want others to be open-minded about our rights. But, when we challenge some of our own to think outside of the bubble, we are quickly labeled as traitors and self-haters. These folks should know that any human/civil rights movement never made change by thinking the same. If Bayard Rustin never challenged Martin Luther King, neither of them would've become the men we cherish and respect. We need to recognize that sometimes, you'll have to disagree in order to succeed.

Leather and Jock Straps... Meh.

So, I was at the Mr. Leather contest last night and after watching the festivities, I realized...  I don't get the fetish part about it.

The chaps, the ties, the harnesses... Not really feeling it sexually. Now, I'm not knocking it, I know it's a community and brotherhood. But as for the look, I don't get it. It looks uncomfortable and if you have sex in it, then Hera bless you.

And jock straps... Overrated. It's assless briefs.

I don't know, maybe because I was exposed to this scene in my mid-late twenties or it seems just a little bit too much; I just don't get it. If a guy's hot, he's hot in whatever he wears. I don't need him to be all greased up in a leather cape and a leather jock strap, just show up with the skill set and we're good.

Now, I could changed my mind in time, but right now, leather is better under Cole Haan and LV.

Thoughts... Guns and Gun Control

In my hometown, folks are freaking out about gun control. But why? Why do folks need to have so many guns and so many types of guns?

Some say it's for safety and hunting, but is it really that serious? Why are some folks only thinking about their right to bare arms, when we are losing lives because of them? Why can't we get this gun control mess under better management?

These gun needy folks have to get out of their bubble and see the reality around them. The access to guns is a problem, the ideal that guns make us safe is a problem as well. We have to wake up and see that this issue is bigger than having a full gun rack in their home.

It's way bigger than that.

Question of the Day: Are We Losing it?

The fight for our rights is taking its toll on us. As we get close to equality, the tension continues to grow and grow and grow.

And that's the scary part. Because of minor setbacks and confusing stances on details and laws, many of our fam are kind of losing it.

I was reading one of my favorite blogs, Joe.My.God. and the comments had me floored. His posts on Dan Choi and Valerie Jarrett brought out some nasty and tea party-ish views within our community. I mean, folks were talking about impeaching Obama, calling Valerie a cunt and a whore and how they hope the Dems will lose so they would learn their lesson.

It was sad, disturbing and disheartening to say the least. Now, I understand folks are upset with how DADT has turned out, but does it mean we just lose it and give up? No. This is a setback, but not the end. I'm disappointed in how this going, but I'm not going to lose perspective. There's just no need.

We haven't lost yet. The game ain't over and we should stop acting like it is. After seeing over a 100 sour comments from that post and a few other posts from other blogs, I think we should take a moment and gain a bit of perspective.

This is a civil rights battle. We will not completely fix 20 plus years of oppressive laws in 2 years. It will take time. I made up mind that I can't get angry over assumptions and minor setbacks. I have to be strong in this battle for our rights. It's going to be a long haul. 


But if we get this tripped up, what good we will be when true hard stuff happens? So, I hope folks take a moment, breathe, shake it off and get back in the field. We got our rights to fight for.

My plea to the LGBT Protests in Los Angeles... Let's change it up, please!

The Prop 8 stay has inspired another protest tomorrow in WeHo. But to be honest, I'm tired of these protests.

Now don't get me wrong, I believe in them and I'm very supportive of fighting for our rights, but the way it's done in Los Angeles is getting old. Let me share my reasons:

• We ALWAYS protest in WeHo. It's the gay mecca of L.A., so basically we are preaching to the choir.
• For some reason they love to start at 6pm. Hello, 6pm in L.A.? It's rush hour or better yet rush hours. Traffic in L.A. starts at 4pm and slows down at 7 or 8pm. And if you live in South Central, East L.A. or in Venice, you will need to leave work or where ever early to make it. And parking SUX in WeHo.
• At these protests, there are no set plans. You are just standing there with 100s of other angry people. Maybe someone will speak; but after driving for 40 minutes and spending 20 more minutes looking for parking, you just want a little more structure.
• L.A. is a huge city. I think to only stay in WeHo is too safe. This is a protest, we need to really take it to the streets for real. No one takes us serious if we are shouting in our own backyard.
• Also it sends a message that WeHo is only place that matters.
  

So how do we change this? Well, you know me, I always have solutions.

• We should be in many parts of the city as possible. Our anger or frustration should be expressed in ALL of L.A.
  
• We should be somewhat sensitive with time. Starting at 6pm works on the weekend, but I think 8pm is a better time. I believe more folks would come out and support.
• Have a plan. There should be next steps and strategies developed at these events. We have a captive audience, let's take advantage of that.
• Make sure the protest actually makes sense. Tomorrow's protest is nothing more but a bitchfest, let's not waste time. Let's make something happen.

As I said before, I love a good protest. But it's time to change the game. We need to take our issues to the STREETS. Hell, the civil rights movement went everywhere. They didn't just stay in the Black neighborhoods, they took it to the white neighborhoods, sock hops and schools.

It's time to follow suit.

My GLEE Episodes Ideas

Glee used Madonna songs last night, but I have a few suggestions for future themes.


Donna Summer-Songs: Bad Girls, She Works Hard for the Money, On the Radio


David Bowie-Songs: Let's Dance, Heroes, Young American

Janet Jackson-Songs: Pleasure Principle, What Have You Done for Me Lately, Miss You Much

Dolly Parton-Songs: Here You Come Again, Islands in the Stream, I Will Always Love You

Patti Labelle-Songs: New Attitude, If You Asked Me To, Somebody Loves You, Baby

Still pondering over Dan Choi's Arrest

Call me crazy, but I'm STILL analyzing Dan Choi's actions last week. I've been caught up on Health Care stuff, I haven't completely processed this.

So here is my madness.

What he did was brave and heroic, but the reasoning was kind of lost on me. He wanted to take the DADT drama to the White House and he did, by chaining himself to the gates. And while that sent a message, it also sent him to jail. Now, he has a trial date and could possibly lose his job. And that's the interesting piece, all this fighting to keep his job and he can lose over something that's not related to DADT. It's almost ironic.

But many folks are calling him the new leader of the LGBT movement. To be real, I disagree with the 'new leader' bit. I feel that a leader is brave, but very wise and a good strategist. There could've been a more effective way to push the message through; something that may not jeopardize his job.

However, I do see Dan's actions creating a gateway to truly discuss DADT. He may have inspired others to fight for their rights in and out of the military. But that remains to be seen. I just not sure if it was the right way or time to send a message to the White House. Within a day of his arrest, Health Care reform took over, followed by the teabagger's mess and Stupak's turnaround. I felt like Dan's message got lost and somewhat forgotten in the media.

So, now I wonder... Was his arrest worth it?

Those are just my thoughts. I'm clearly trying to make sense of this. Please enlighten me if I'm totally missing the point. Would love to hear your views.