I went to Palm Springs

Hi all, I'm back from Palm Springs.

I took some time off with a guy pal of mine and we spent 5 great days in PS. We stayed at a clothing optional resort, where I took a huge risk and went nude. It was liberating and I felt quite sexy doing it.

We meet a lot of great people and had some "interesting" moments. I learned that many, many guys out there are Sugar Daddies, who doesn't mind dropping a dollar or two for a cute boy at their side. I tried not to judge, but it was a bit sad to see. However, there where old fashion gay couples and a few frisky single guys there as well.

It was super hot in Palm Springs, but I loved it. If you need to get away, be naughty or nude... Go to Palm Springs.

The Men in my Life

So, I have guys that run through my head and heart. They are men that I've been intimate with in one form or another.

Guy 1 is someone I've met after my relationship ended in 2013. He's a good guy, smart, works for the city. He's a passionate lover and always considerate of me. But, he's young... 8 years younger than me. It's not a huge deal, but I have this nagging feeling that he doesn't know what he wants. So, I keep my distance. However, it's doesn't work. We see each other off and on... When we do see each other, it's amazing.

But I still keep my distance.

Guy 2 is a sweetheart, but broken. We met a year ago, I was looking for a job and he just ended a relationship. We became close very fast, hanging out a lot on the weekends. He has the sweetest eyes and a sexy smile. It took us a year to have our first kiss. We were riding around LA, talking about nothing. We got some food and parked in the Hills. He admitted that he found me sexy and I told him I would love to kiss him. It was the sweetest kiss... pure and honest. He wasn't ready to move forward and I accepted that. We still hang out and I still want to kiss him again.

I think he does too.

Guy 3 has me in a tizzy. We met 3 years ago online. We've stayed in touch and in April, we decided to spend a long weekend together. What happened that weekend knocked me on a loop. He was everything I needed. He gave me hope that some guys are good and not jerks. He's completely honest, caring and highly sexual. Sex with him is so good. Sadly, he's in SF and I'm in LA. We still talk almost everyday and we're planning a trip together.

If I had to choose among all 3 guys, it would be him.

Me, walking into the office at work

So what's going on with me

Hi everyone, just giving you a quick update on what's been going on my crazy life. Some of you know I left my job at USC over year ago. I start working at a property management company where I dealt in customer service. I hated it! I hated dealing with entitled adults. I mean, I don't mind young entitled kids but adults? No ma'am!

So, after a year of dealing with leases, clueless rich folks and watching countless hours of Netflix, I found a new job. I am an Assistant Director of Admissions and Orientation. I still get to live in LA and I'm making a lot MORE money now.

I actually start today, so I'm excited.

I haven't given up on writing, but I do need a strong day job to handle business. I've been rewriting and preparing scripts to go out. My graphic novel is almost done and I've worked on another script with friends. In all, I'm very fortunate right now.
Okay, enough of my rambling. I just want update y'all on what's happening with me.

When I walk into the Office

If I met my younger self

Random Feelings

So, I learned that my ex is moving away from Cali-Cal. We haven't spoken since we broke up two years ago. I wanted to remain friendly, but I think he needed to keep the distance. So that what I did, I honored his wishes. I didn't want it to be that way, but it is what it is, right?

Anywho, he moving away and I have mixed emotions. I don't want him back, but I still care. I spent over 7 years with him, so of course, I still care. I'm a little mad at him for not wanting to be friendly, but I understand. I have no ill will towards him.

I hope he finds happiness and the life he deserves.

Oh, I cut my hair BTW

I'm Old

This is my nephew and his daughter... Which makes me a Great Uncle... Lord

Trying... Knowing

Recently, well, a few months ago, I decided to stop disrespecting myself.

I stopped second guessing myself.

I stopped looking to guys that wasn't in my best interest.

I stopped putting reality to side.

I start believing in myself again.

I realized that I have a calling.

I know what I need to do.

Would you be willing to Submit?

I just watched a screener of 50 Shades of Grey and I have to say it was... Interesting. But it did spark some questions for me.

As most of you know it highlights a Dom and Sub relationship. A Dom lays out the rules on what the sub can and can't do. So, I wonder... Could I be a sub? Would I sign a contract for someone to have complete control over me?

I mean, a lot folks do this all the time. I just learned about the "Pup" stuff a few weeks and it's a growing thing. But, again, could I do this? It looked all glamourous and sexy in the movie, but I not sure I could give someone that much control over me. From an early age, I was taught to always watch my actions, and stay in control. I can't imagine giving someone the ability to own me.

But is it that simple? Am I missing to the real point of it? Can you really gain pleasure from the lack of control? Perhaps, the real issue is my fear of losing control. It could be very exciting to put someone in charge of my sexual exploration; maybe it's liberating and challenging. I don't know... Is it something worth considering?

How about y'all, have any of you done this? Are still doing this?

StrangeLore Update

We are almost finished!

Just wanted to share a couple of pages from my graphic novel, StrangeLore. António Brandão's work is so good, it's bittersweet that he's almost done.

When Random Dick hits Your Friendships - A Rant

Sometimes, the true test of a friendship is if random dick won't come in between you two. What am I talking about? Well, for example, if you had plans to hang out and all of a sudden, they cancel or forget about your plans.

Why? Because some guy they found on one of those app just trumped everything. I get it, it happens, but after awhile you have to judge you friend or friends. I won't use names, but I do know someone who consistently throws time away trying to make some random dick happen.

For example, he will complain about how ridic certain gay apps are and how the guys are the worst. BUT, still talk to these guys and possibly sleep with them. He blames it on being lonely, but I think it's for being desperate. When you find yourself skimming through apps trying to find companionship, you need to take a moment to get yourself together. Because if you're looking for legit validation from a majority horned up guys, you might looking for a long time.

When these randoms begin interrupting your "hang out" plans, it's time to confront your friend. No random dick should ever ruin plans or personal time with friends... That's just my opinion. I would never do that to my friends, it's just wrong and a bit disrespectful. When it happened to me, I was livid. So, I confronted my friend over it. We had a great discussion about hope, the levels of horniness and levels of desperation.

I was mad at him, but I understood his issue. Pretty much, we need to work on his self-esteem because he can't keep doing this. I can't imagine dealing with this forever rollercoaster of lies, sex and empty promise. After a while it does something to your spirit.

Good Bye, Gay App

After 2 years on the gay app, Bear 411, I have decided to leave it... Actually, run far from it. Folks, I am convinced that these apps are nothing good. I've only joined this one, but I couldn't imagine being on multiple ones. Why? Because you will get the same results, nothing.

That's what I got from this app, nothing. Well, I got some things from it:

• A guy who confessed that he was a serial dater and liar
• A guy who wanted to have sex with me because we're both from the south
• Seeing my ex on the site
• A bunch of guys who still live with their parents
• Men over the age of 40 who are still in the closet
• A guy who started out great, but later tried to sell me life insurance
• Two guys who were so bad at sex, they should be put of their misery
• A bunch of flakes
• Several guys who wanted to see my Black Dick
• Over 239 guys who wanted to bottom for me
• A few guys who said they wanted to date, but really want to have arm candy
• And one indecent proposal... I don't need a Sugar Daddy

I did meet 2 guys that I will keep, but they rest of them... Bye! 

Making a personal change... Soon

I'm thinking about cutting my hair. I've had my locs since 2001 (over 13 years). I'm thinking of cutting them off and try something different.

I don't know when I'm doing this, but I think it's time.

Yep, I think it's time.

The 9 Wrestlers that Fulfilled my Teen Dreams

Back in the day, I used to watch wrestling. But not for the fights or show, just for my teen lust-ridden fantasies. OMG, I can't tell you the thoughts that ran through my mind every Saturday afternoon. Especially, when I saw these particular guys.

Check them out after the jump and if you were like me, maybe some of these guys filled you up with crazy ass fantasies too.

I think I like a Guy

So, I think I like someone.

I met this guy in September and we clicked pretty well. After our first meeting, we've been seeing each other regularly. We usually go out to dinner and a movie. Sometimes we just ride around and talk. We haven't kissed or anything else, just long strong hugs.

I enjoy being with him and he always tells me that he enjoys my company. But I wonder if he likes me? It silly to be coy at my age, but I'm afraid to say something. I guess I don't want to be shot down, it's been awhile since I've been shot down. Plus, he's only been single for a year. He wants to get to know someone before something happens, but I want to say something.

Should I just wait awhile longer, or should I say something?

Low Spirits

So here is my rambling rant...

With everything that's happened recently, I'm feel so numb.

I feel like I'm lost between two worlds, my Black side and LGBT side.

Both parts are being challenged big time. The attacks on Black men, the consistent attacks on my sexuality and the fight my right to be in this country are exhausting!

I'm beginning to wonder is there a safe space, because right now, it's too much. I can be attacked, harassed or killed for my sexuality and race...  Trust me, it's a lot to hold on to.

My spirit is low, but I'll be fine. It's just been hectic lately.

Needing more from Work

Since I left Student Affairs, I find myself missing it. Mostly, I miss making a difference in someone's life. I enjoyed helping and engaging students, something about being there in the biggest parts in their lives meant something to me. I mean, I'm glad I left Residential Life, but I kind of want to get back into developing and engaging people.

My new job doesn't allow me to anything close to it. I'm just doing basic stuff right now and to be honest, it's not the business. I realized this weekend that maybe I should find something that will truly feed my creative and developing side. Although, I was done with my USC job, I still got something out of it.

So, I'm going to look for something that feeds my heart and soul

Am I heading towards a Mid-Life Crisis?

Sometimes, I feel like I'm about hit a mid-life crisis. I don't know why, but I feel like it's coming. Has anyone experienced this?

Well, let me rewind a bit. I kinda know why. I'm restless and I feel trapped in between life's goals and just living life. I want so much more, but I don't know how to achieve it. It's frustrating and it's making me rebellious in some strange way.

Don't worry, I'm not going to find some 20 year-old boyfriend and join a cult. I'm just feeling a bit lost right now.

This probably doesn't make any sense, but I had to get this out.