Dating Paranoia is Real

So, I met this guy over the holiday break. We've been in contact in the past, but we finally got together after some 'cute' texting. Once we met, we completely connected. We have a lot in common and he fits what I'm looking for.

But, I also have this underlying fear. The week we spent watching movies, eating and getting to know each other was great. However, I can't help but to think this is too good to be true. I shouldn't be so doubtful, but if I've learned anything from gay men is that when they're not ready, they will leave. Cut and run, leaving a mess for you to clean.

So far, he's not like that. He's been great, I think I'm just scared. I should just enjoy what happening and go with the flow.

Lord, has years of dating made me this paranoid?

New Infographic reveals interesting results on Gay Dating Apps

GrabHim.net conducted a nationwide survey of nearly 4,000 gay men to gage their behavior on Gay Apps. Below are the results, some are surprising, some are not.

'You're Cute For A Black Guy' takes a look Race and Dating in the Gay Community

I'm glad someone made this.

Race and dating in the gay community is an interesting beast. For many of us, we endure such overt and covert versions of racism you wouldn't believe.

"You're Cute For A Black Guy" is a short documentary from filmmaker Cameron Johnson that tackles those issues head on. The men on here are speaking the truth, trust me. As crazy as some of these statements may sound to you, it is our reality.

In HuffPo, Cameron said:

"I made this piece because I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t crazy. I couldn’t be the only gay black man who white dates have said insane things to, so I ventured to find others who shared my experiences. What I discovered is that my story isn’t uncommon, it’s just untold... I hope that my work will help to broaden the discussions of what it looks like to be a gay man in 2015, and give people insight into worlds they haven’t understood. Also, seriously never say any of these things to black men again."

I think I like a Guy

So, I think I like someone.

I met this guy in September and we clicked pretty well. After our first meeting, we've been seeing each other regularly. We usually go out to dinner and a movie. Sometimes we just ride around and talk. We haven't kissed or anything else, just long strong hugs.

I enjoy being with him and he always tells me that he enjoys my company. But I wonder if he likes me? It silly to be coy at my age, but I'm afraid to say something. I guess I don't want to be shot down, it's been awhile since I've been shot down. Plus, he's only been single for a year. He wants to get to know someone before something happens, but I want to say something.

Should I just wait awhile longer, or should I say something?

10 Reasons why I'm ready to Date Again

I have been single for almost 2 years now and I'm ready to get back into the mix. Some of my friends think I'm crazy, but I think I'm ready and here's why.

1. I want to laugh about stupid stuff on a date
2. Holding hands is always fun
3. It would be cool knowing that someone's excited to see you
4. Going to horror films is better with a date
5. It would be cool to make out with someone I like
6. I'm not getting any younger
7. Day trips
8. To be held
9. Learning new and interesting things about someone could be good
10. To have another opportunity to fall in love again

Yeah, it would be nice to have the chance to love again.

10 Reasons why Gay Apps are not People of Color Friendly

So far, I really struggle with Gay 'dating' apps. I think these apps bring out the worst in us and limits our perceptions of men down to shallow labels and bathroom pics.

But what really gets me is how men of color are perceived and treated. On these apps, we witness some of the harshest views and attitudes from our community. Let me share some the top issues some of us have experienced.

1. Being ignored for weeks on this apps
2. Only being contacted to fulfill a fantasy or a dare
3. Men only seeing you as the stereotype. EX: You can say your are a bottom, but your messages from a bunch of guys wanting you to be their top
4. Men will not allow you to be anything outside of their ignorant perceptions 
5. You are not considered relationship material, just an one night stand
6. Your dick size is an automatic deal breaker even before you discuss it
7. You are sometimes considered the last resort
8. If you are educated or have an opinion you are labeled as too dramatic 
9. Your body type never fits the status quo
10. It is assumed that you are carrying some STD. Sometimes, you are asked if you been tested before anything sexual comes up

I'm hoping things will change, but I'm not so sure that it will.

My opinion on dating someone 20 years younger than me

There is a lot of talk about Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black age difference.

There are pros and cons to this, we can't deny that.

Still, it's their business. Someone asked me if I would date a 19 year-old guy and quickly said NO. Why? Well, I work with college kids. I couldn't imagine dating any of them... Any of them. For one, they're still growing and learning, I couldn't see myself being romantically involved with them during that time.

Hell, I remember being 19. I was a hot mess.

Plus, I want a man. Someone who's been through some things, you know? I need to feel that we're equals. I don't think a guy under the age of 25, could give me that. Maybe for someone else, but not for me.

However, it works for some, go for it.

10 Things you can do to be the Good Guy

In the world of Gay men, the goal to be the 'Good Guy' can as hard as loosing weight. For some, it's easy and for others, let's just say they will never get there.

In my experiences over the years, I have seen all types of guys, but on rare occasions (like the Great Pumpkin) a few Good Guys make an appearance. But if you are struggling to be the good one, I have some ideas that may help you.

1. Create a honest profile. If you're on the gay apps or OkCupid, make sure you create a honest profile about yourself. Keep it brief, but keep it real.
2. Keep up communication. Make sure the other guy knows what you are up to. 
3. Make your intentions known. If you want a BF, say so, but if you want a FB, say that too. Don't try to mask the truth.
4. Listen. Listening is key.
5. Challenge yourself. We are complex people. Your views will be tried and tested, so be open to the difference your guy may bring.
6. If you ain't feeling, end it. Don't drag it out, just end it and carry on.
7. Stay consistent in your interactions. Be a stand up guy all the way, not just for sex.
8. Be affectionate... Or learn to be.
9. Let him know where he stands with you. 
10. Tell truth. Believe me, it goes a long way

5 Guys you should NEVER Date

My friends are educating me on the men to stay away from. I've met a few of these and thankfully, my spider sense keeps me away from these guys.

But if you are curious about what kinds a guys to stay away from, I have a short list.

1. I Never had a Prom Guys - These men didn't have a great teen life or college life, so they try to relive their 20s in their 40s. Nothing is worse than a 45-year old singing all the words to Miley's 'We Can't Stop.'
2. F*ck-N-Forget Guys - These fools are so nice to you until you do the deal and then, they forget who you are.
3. The Nomad Guys - They claim they are looking for someone and when they find someone, they settle in and leave... Looking for another someone.
4. The Straight-Acting Guys - Self-Hate ain't sexy.
5. Wishy-Washy Guys- They say they want a relationship and after you get close with them (and maybe hook-up), they're not sure if they want one anymore.

My Mad, Mad, Mad Dating World

The dating world is a strange place.

I'm continuing to learn a lot about guys that runs the gamut from interesting, sad to amazing.

Today in my crazy world, I was trying to see if these two guys were possibles. One is a teacher who's tatted up, but has a heart of gold. The other guy is a dreamer and highly creative chap like me.

The teacher fits more of my ideal type and the dreamer connects with my creative energy, but at the end of the day, neither of them gave me that spark. The teacher has somewhat given up and just wants friends. Relationships have worn him down, so he's only focusing on friendships. The dreamer, well, there's no romantic connection.

I tried. I've kissed him, hung out on a few dates, but nothing gave me that 'feeling'. What's the feeling? Well, it's that spark of thoughts where you see yourself dating, going on road trips, taking FB pics and being sexual. Nope, I didn't get those vapors. I got more of a friendship vibe. It was truly clear this past Saturday night that being friends was the way to go.

But then, this happened. A guy I briefly talked to a month ago, popped up again. We re-connected on Friday night. We had a good convo, which continued the next day. On Saturday night, we talked on the phone for 5 hours straight. I haven't did anything like that since High School. We decided to hang out on Monday, but on Sunday, decided to meet that night.

So, on Sunday night, we hung out and had a really good first date... Great actually. It was that kind of a date that lingered on, in a good way. We drove around, talking about Carrie, Buffy, and horror movies. It was a great night.

We decided to meet up this week for another date. I'm very excited about him, which makes me a little nervous. So far, he fits my likes and style... and he's a great kisser. I guess, we will see how this will go, but I have to say... He's winning right now.

10 Reasons Why Grindr may be not Good for Us

Yesterday, there was a new Grindr to download. The minute I heard this, I was already soooo over it and somewhat sad.

This social app has become a quick way for gays to meet, and a quick way to see some of the worst in gay men. The art of conversation is lost with this app and tact... Chile please.

I'm not so sure this Grindr thing is a good thing. So here are my reasons why I'm not a fan.

1. You are judged strictly by a pic. Everything about you is reduced to how you look in a selfie. When you think about it, you should feel just a tad bit cheap.
2. Liars are King. Grindr allows folks to lie badly about who they are. Yeah, we all embellish about ourselves from time to time. But here, you don't have to tell the truth. In fact, you can be the person you always want to be.
3. Conversations are reduced to this :) and this :(.
4. Racism runs unchecked and cloaked by the belief of preference. To say, you are not into Asians or White guys only is racist. 
5. Some guys believe that a torso or cock shot is the best they have to offer. These same guys will claim that you have to know them in order to judge them. 
6. This app gives guys the right to be mean. Because you are hiding behind an app, doesn't give you the right to hate on someone for fun.
7. This app dumbs down social skills. 
8. Some guys don't realize that emotions are involved.
9. Grindr isn't Candy Crush, however guys continue to play with other guys' feelings like a game.
10. Some guys are basing their worth by what others on Grindr think of them. Remember, these guys are not being honest about themselves. So, to validate yourself from their views isn't a good move.

Some say Grindr is killing the gay bar culture. If that's the case, then we should be worried. If we have to depend on apps like this, will we be able to truly get to know someone?

Question of the Day: Dating

Could you date a guy you have A LOT in common with?

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Causal Talk: Chatting

Me: I'm a blogger and a writer.
Him: That's cool; are you published?
Me: Yes, in two magazines.
Him: So am I, we should connect more.
Me: Sure, do you have FB?
Him: I do,well, I did... We don't do that anymore, he has Syphilis.
Me: Um, I meant Facebook.
Him: Oh, fuck! I thought you meant, Fuck Buddy.

That's my life in the world of dating

Short List for Dating

To be honest, the whole Russia thing has drained me. The misinformation that is being pushed is just too much. But more on that later.

Right now, I am curious about what you single folks are looking for in a future mate. Over the weekend, a friend and I made a list of things we want in a guy.

I came up with a short list I'm looking for.

• Someone who's daring
• Cute
• Not caught up in the LA Gay scene
• Sexual
• Adventure-seeker
• Confident 
• Knows their Worth

That's all, no showboats or crystal castles. Just a good guy.

The Dating Game - Post 1

The dating world is something else.

The good news is there are guys who are interested.

The bad news is these guys are not ready.

What do I mean by 'not ready'? Well, they are seriously missing something or really off the system. Now, I know we are all flawed, no one's perfect. But really, after the age of 35, you got to have something going, right?

For example, I've met guys who not financially stable, living with upteen people and no car. They want someone with all those things they don't have, and yet, have no plans to achieve those things for themselves. Then, you have the guys who lie about everything. One particular guy was trying to impress me with his knowledge of Nicki Minaj. Only his info was totally wrong and made up.

Another guy needs to have sex first to see if a friendship would work. Mind you, this is for friendship.

I feel like Carrie Bradshaw from season 2. I'm meeting people, but the wrong ones. I really hope I can find the fun guy that can be a friend first and something more later.

I know I may sound like a Snobby McSnob, but it shouldn't be too much ask for a decent guy... Right?

Gay Dating Issues (Not me, My Friends)

So a friend of mine was dating a guy for about a month. They only saw each other twice a week, with one of the days spent overnight.

Recently, my friend asked the guy if he could be a little more responsive to text and e-mail. The guy told him that he was moving too fast.

Too fast? My friend can slept over his place, but if he mention texts and that's too fast? Y'all the game has changed! For those of you who are dating, have you experienced anything like that?

I've been out of the game for some years, but stories like that, scares me. Are men that dysfunctional? Or that f**ked up?

Please tell me there's hope for the single guy out there.

10 Things You shouldn't do on a Date

 Sometimes we make mistakes in courting men. We may take things too far or into another timeline. And while you don't mean to be a problem, you could be chasing men away versus keeping them in your arms. But if you are not aware of your DMAS (Driving Men Away Syndrome), here are 10 things you may be doing to keep them away from you.

1. Being a Know-It-All. If your smart, great; but if you act like you're on Jeopardy on your first date, then it could be a disaster. Let your inner Brainchild come out over time.
2. Wearing 'BROKE' clothes. Try to look cute on your first date. Iron your clothes, make sure your clothes are clean and if your clothes are falling apart, trash them.
3. Being a hater. No one like a uber Hater, so don't be one.
4. Over texting. Please don't text your date over 5 times. Unless he wants you to, don't!
5. Wearing the Dude Downer mask. Please don't talk about how life screwed you over. Save that for the 6 month anniversary.
6. Giving it up. If they can get it easy, there is no challenge. Go home, jack off, and wait for awhile before you both get horizontal. 
7. Doing KFC. Fast food is cute, but for a date, it's a sign of cheapness. 
8. Drinking too much. Please don't get drunk during your date. Sends strong 'issues' vibes.
9. Acting like Clingy McClingerson. Don't act like your date will disappear at any second. Make sure he has space to breathe.
10. Talking about yourself too much. Let him ask questions about you, don't be a walking Wikipedia about yourself.

When I was Carrie Bradshaw...

Okay, I was asked to talk about my dating past.

Before I met my partner, I had a not-so great time in the dating field. Most of the guys I would meet were either too silly, full of mess or their self-esteem was all over the place.

Basically, I was Carrie Bradshaw, dealing with guys from the South all the way to Upstate New York. So, I will share some of my odd experiences with y'all. Please bare with me:

• My first bf was young, 7 years younger than me in fact. I was so into him because he was the 1st bf. We started out pretty good. I let him lead because he had more experience. But after 3 heavy make out sessions and 2 dates, it was over. We only dated for 2 and 1/2 months. He said it was not my fault, he just wasn't sure where we were going. Plus he was going to grad school at Harvard and wanted to focus on his degree. However, the truth was he wanted to be free. I can respect that, I just wished he was up front about it.

• My 2nd bf was a pure rebound relationship. He did not meet all of my requirements, in fact, he was an example of Affirmative Action Dating. Meaning, a guy who only meets half or less of your major requirements, but you allow them a chance to prove themselves. Well, he failed in that quest. We lasted for 7 months. He was going nowhere career wise and I didn't love him at all. However, he was good in bed.

• I was seeing this guy who was a great kisser, but still lived with his ex. His ex wanted to have a threesome, but I declined. But he didn't take no for answer, his ex offered to pay me. I said no, however the great kisser guy wanted me to do it... so he could get the money.

• Another guy I was seeing thought that if we slept together, I wouldn't be special to him. However, if I blew him without reciprocation, he would still see me regularly. I never blew him and it was over.

So, that's some of the craziness of my past dating life.

Compatible Partners is NO Gay.com

Thought it could be better and healthier for the gay ego (Gay.com is Satan, btw), Compatible Partners may not work for us.

To backtrack, yesterday eHarmony settled their non-Gay dating access, by creating Compatible Partners. However the trick about the new site is the company has no idea if its clients will find good matches. In fact, Compatible Partners users will see a warning to this effect: "The statement lets customers know that eHarmony, Inc. has not conducted research on same-sex couples so that they have the information they need to decide whether to use our service."

So to me, it still feels like they were forced to do this and a bit half-assed. If I needed to use any service, I would use Yahoo. But Compatible Partners, just don't seem ready. And while I'm ranting about this, maybe we should get back to basics. Leave these sites alone and find a man the old fashion way...in the bars. Seriously though, look in the library, events, or just around. I feel that these sites takes the thrill of dating away. I think we are missing the basic means when it comes to man-hunting. We need to put the courting back in dating.

You Can't Say You Wasn't Warned

Even the British are shallow. I happen to find this dating site as I what surfing for anything crazy and then I found gaygolddiggers. Maybe I'm missing something, but is this a FAILURE waiting to happen?

Our dating issues are already tricky so why would we put more gas in the fire. Who knows, but I hope no one is shocked by what they find on this site.