Friday, January 29, 2010

A Happy Gay Marriage is an Open one?

An interesting study claims that successful gay marriages are open?

New research at San Francisco State University reveals just how common open relationships are among gay men and lesbians in the Bay Area. The Gay Couples Study has followed 556 male couples for three years — about 50 percent of those surveyed have sex outside their relationships, with the knowledge and approval of their partners.

That consent is key. “With straight people, it’s called affairs or cheating,” said Colleen Hoff, the study’s principal investigator, “but with gay people it does not have such negative connotations.”

The study also found open gay couples just as happy in their relationships as pairs in sexually exclusive unions, Dr. Hoff said. A different study, published in 1985, concluded that open gay relationships actually lasted longer.

None of this is news in the gay community, but few will speak publicly about it. Of the dozen people in open relationships contacted for this column, no one would agree to use his or her full name, citing privacy concerns. They also worried that discussing the subject could undermine the legal fight for same-sex marriage.

According to the research, open relationships almost always have rules.

This isn't news to most of us, but I always thought when you marry, it's all about you and him. I couldn't do it, but if it works for some, it works. But some folks think this a bad road to go down.

I'm very curious to hear what y'all think about this?



mistress maddie said...

An intresting study. I have experimented with threesomes before when dating, but in a serious relationship, I'm not sure. As a couple we tried once just for some kink, but it wasn't for us.

JACK said...

I'd cut a bitch, you hear me? LOL

.::.~*Dovie*Lee*~.::. said...

Ok but that just says to me they are happier because they are basically admitting they can not bear dealing with just one partner....furthermore that makes me think this why people think that gays are nothing but horn boxes that do nothing but hump each other when ever they feel up to it. I just think people are selfish and committing to one is not an option because they want their cake and the ice cream and the pizza too so they just admit it up front and say...take it or leave it.....I dont believe in them ....but ok...i guess.....

J. Clarence said...

I know it's not uncommon, but the rate was a bit surprising. I'm writing a piece on it for my blog now too.

I suppose on one hand the gay that gays have been marginalized they really have been able to make their own rules, but at the same time the article on the story on the Bay Area blog for the NYT listed all different kinds of rules, like distance, frequency, etc. And that just smelled of making exceptions to stay with a person rather than building a committed relationship, in which you have to deal with what you chose to sign up to.

These open non-marital relationships are fine, as you are just single people that spend more time together than you do with others, but when you talk about a marriage that's a little different.

And as for how this isn't news for the gay community, I would like to know what the gays in middle America think about this. You know, the ones that reside in the gay meccas and so forth.

kayman said...

It's for the birds, who obviously don't know what they want. If you are always looking to spice up your "marriage" by inviting additional parties then it says a lot about you...

Ray Avito said...

I think some people get into relationships where they aren't necessarily in love with the person, and when that initial rush wears off they start looking around for something new.

I wouldn't agree to being in an open relationship, but if the guy cheated, I don't think I would break up. Not unless it was chronic because that would indicate that he just wasn't feeling me anymore.


If that works for folks fine with me...but I believe in monogamy in every sense of the word.

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Viktor is a small town southern boy living in Los Angeles. You can find him on Twitter, writing about pop culture, politics, and comics. He’s the creator of the graphic novel StrangeLore and currently getting back into screenwriting.