It is very interesting to hear a lot of negativity about Anderson Cooper and Frank Ocean coming out. For some reason, some gays feel that their coming out is divisive, too late or too much. But seriously, our views don't matter because it's none of our business.
Let me break this down for the haters:
- This is THEIR coming out experience, not yours and don't try to make it so. This is not about you, so stop trying to put your views in their lives.
- They don't own us anything, this is their lives.
- Everyone's coming out experience is different. Why they came out now vs. then is again, their business. You can't be upset about someone's reasons for coming out. You should be happy about their decision to be open and honest.
- This is their lives and they should live it the way they supposed to. You should do the same.
- Why are they creating this hostile environment for newly out people. When folks come out, the last thing they need is judgement from the fam.
So let's just get along and move on.
8 comments:
Word. Every situation is different. I'd love to come out completely but due to family reasons I don't use my real name or post pictures of myself online.
They have to do what feels right for themselves. Some of those same critics would be the most vocal if they had opted to remain silent on their sexuality. Not everyone lives their life according to our individual expectations. Diversity is what makes life interesting.
As happy as I am the Anderson and Boomer and NPH and others are fully out and as much as I agree with what you wrote, I'm feeling angry too.
Why do gay people call it privacy. No straight person does, nor do they care that people know that they date, have sex, marry, have kids, divorce, etc. It's not privacy to them it just is as it should be for us.
When public figures say they want privacy it just feels a little dirty and it is a lie. I want them to say; "I was afraid for my career." "I was afraid of loosing my home.' "I was of being rejected by my family and friends." "I WAS AFRAID FOR MY SAFETY AND LIFE." These are the true reasons we all have.
Yes, I think for many revealing their sexual orientation should be on their own time and in their way but I also feel that public figures should be held to a different standard. Do you really think that if Raven would still be closeted if the Queen were out?
Public officials save lives and human spirits and families when they come out. So yes, I'm angry but more at a culture that forces us to lie, even when coming out), in order to be free.
Well said, V. I'm sure Cooper and Ocean didn't comment on the haters' coming out.
I can't add any more to what you stated in your blog entry, because I agree wholeheartedly. And I support them both.
@Sean-I don't think Raven's situation has anything to do with Queen Latifah. It's extremely presumptive to think that if Latifah came out, Raven would too. We have no idea how that would impact anyone least of all Raven Symone. It's also presumptive to assume either of those two are gay. It's all speculative on our parts. The same prejudicial judgement they get from the world including the gay community contributes a great deal to private and public figures staying in the closet.
But I do agree with you. I think they should be as honest with the public as they feel comfortable. But I also think it goes without saying that their are many professional and personal dangers to coming out.
But I also feel that having "the press" ask me about who I'm sleeping with is EXTREMELY personal. And I know many straight public personas who also don't go into their personal lives and relationships publicly because it is nobodies business. The public asks for too much and I for one would never invite the world into my personal relationships be it with me, my family, my lover, or my kids.
I have to say I am with Sean on this one - and I wouldn't think I would be. Not that the idea of being WITH Sean is a bad one :)
Given the hate and ignorance out their I think we need to stop using PRIVACY and be honest that it is FEAR.
Happy they did it and more power to them - I just hope that others can talk about FEAR as much as it being a personal issue.
@Damien-IMO. While in some (if not most) instances it is probably fear that instigates the level of privacy someone wants to have I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. That doesn't change the fact that it IS still up to them to determine their own privacy. For whatever reason. Privacy is one of those things that is determined by the individual. What parts of their lives are open to public consumption and which parts aren't is their call. And that's not just a gay thing. Think of how long Janet was married and nobody knew, or R.Kelly for that matter. Their are many celebs who don't and won't discuss their children or their marriages or personal lives in any way. And that's their call because it falls in line with what they determine to be "private". All I'm saying is that the level of a person's Privacy has to be determined by them and not us. Regardless of whether the motivation is fear or some other emotion. And we should respect what they choose those boundaries to be. It's their life, not ours. Even the choice of being an advocate is theirs to make and not ours.
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