Sunday, May 22, 2011

My Rant: Yes, a Black Man can date a White Man and still love Black Men

I wanted to blog about this growing disappointment in Don Lemon possibly dating a White man. Some blog/folks think what he's doing reflects self-hatred or a dislike of Black men. But the funny thing is, most of this anger is coming from huge assumptions.

We don't know Don's situation at all. If he's dates a White guy, so what? So what? Does that mean that he hasn't dated Black men before? Does it mean he doesn't like Black men or any men of color? No. Maybe they just fell in love, that happens y'know.

I understand there are many reasons why folks date outside their race or a specific race. And by many, I mean good and bad reasons. Still, I don't want folks to think if a Black man dates a White man he hates himself or his people. The reason could be they just click.

Most of you know my partner is White. The guy before him was Black and the guy before him was Latino/White. I don't hate myself or my people. Jamie and I just click, if he was Black, Green or Purple we would still click. I don't discriminate, a man's a man to me. I look for shared visions, goals and values, not color.

My philo is "If you ain't bringing the goods, don't holler at me."

However, I understand how my brothers feel. I know that to see a Black man with a White man cuts deep for some. But I hope they realize that maybe the couple is truly in it for love. Some of those couples may be doing it for the wrong reasons, but that's not all of us. Let's not assume that's the case with all interracial relationships. Let's hope for the best and wish any couple the chance to experience love and happiness.

We should want love to rule in our community, right? 


Damien Oz said...

But WHY does it cut deep???

To someone who does not have a deep understanding of this - it seems like reverse racism from the outside looking in.

I don't see how one culture SHOULD or HAS to stick within it's own culture.

After all - look how well that worked for Hitler....

SteveA said...

People are still insecure about race and relationships....whatever the reason it's no-one's business!

EMikeGarcia said...

I'm with Damien... Why is it such an issue, and what are these "wrong" reasons you justify it with?

Prince Toddy English said...

I totally agree with you.
For me it does not matter. While, due to how I grew up, I do have a preference with black man...But I do love cute white bois too.
Secondly, my mom is biracial (which makes me sorta mixed as well)so it would be stupid to hate on IR couples seeing as I come from that!
My aim is Happily Ever After. I just want to settle down with somebody who loves me unconditionally...So when it comes to that color is a NONE factor.
Honestly, I don't care, overwhelmingly. What other people do with their lives is none of my damn business! There are more important things to care about.
the only thing That concerned me about Don Lemon is when he said that he did not wear make up and had no desire to do if he was trying to appease homophobes, while indirectly offending our more fem counterparts.
Anyway Boo, I am glad that you are your boo are happy together. Nothing more matters.

Stan in NH said...

That was a good comment, Damien. And it should be all about love. If we were all colorblind, you would expect there to be mixing. That's as it should be. Finding love is hard enough, but to restrict it to one type of another for any other reason isn't really logical.
Infinite possibilities in infinite combinations.

Ian said...

I was looking for the right words to respond to this. I happened to stumble on Don's interview with Michelangelo Signorile. Donnie (LOVE HIM! LOL) says it best....

If you listen to the last segment where Don breaks down, gets emotional, one realizes in the end that all that REALLY matters is the good support and love from caring partner. Don and his partner, Ben, really do support one another.

I think, folk probably get caught up in the mess that if you date outside your race then one is selling out or has lost their identity or has intense self hatred. For some people, maybe. But love is love and I think in the long run, people need to remember that.

Oh and here's the link:

Allan S. said...

Amen V! In this world it is very challenging to find a love. I truly believe we have to be open to all possibilities and color or ethnicity should really not be an issue.

As you know, my longest relationship (20 years) was with another Puerto Rican, however, I dated men from different backgrounds and felt connections to them just as much as I did when dating Latino men.

At the end of the day we're all human.

Robyn said...

When I decide to date again, I'm not going to make anything an issue other than what's really important. Have a steady job. Have goals. Be kind and caring. That's not too much to ask, is it?

Wonder Man said...

Mikey- Some men feels like it's on more gone to the other side. I hear this among Black women as well.

And the reasons I was talking about (bad ones) are when Black Men will say that they won't date other Black Men because they are lazy and carrying diseases. That's just an example, but I've actually heard that before.

luciferosirisarnold said...

I love all men And I really like it when I come across a caucasian dude with a big dick and some money.

Bob said...

As a man who is, at least 'technically' in my own mind, married to a Latino man, does thgis mean i hate white men? Or does it mean I fell in love with an Hispanic man?
Love is love; it shouldn't know race.

africa girl said...

I don't discriminate someone too! If I date someone physical appearance is not important what matters most is how he deals with you and respects you for who you are and what you can be and vice versa. So, if you love someone be sure to treasure him/her because finding someone who will love you is not as easy as what they think.

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Viktor is a small town southern boy living in Los Angeles. You can find him on Twitter, writing about pop culture, politics, and comics. He’s the creator of the graphic novel StrangeLore and currently getting back into screenwriting.