In a response to GOProud and the use of the F-word, Dan Savage wrote an interesting piece.
Here's the part that baffled the frak out of me.
And "faggot" is a word I've used to describe myself (on MSNBC!), it's a term I've used to describe my husband (in books!), it's a term my friends and I use to describe each other (all the time!). "Faggot" isn't an insult in my book—that's why I had to stick the word "house" in front of it.Really, Dan? This is your answer? If so, this is a horrible response. He doesn't think it's an insult, so he can use this word anytime, all-time.
Well, Dan... There are millions of us who would greatly disagree with you. There are millions of us who remember the first time we heard that word. We remember the impact of the F-word and how deep that word cut when it was hurled at us.
But for you to think of it as a play name amongst friends... That's the insult.
And the fact you head up a national campaign that views the F-word as an insult, that's really screwed up.
6 comments:
Sometimes, he's better off just keeping his mouth sealed.
I have a slightly differnt take on it.
i find gay men who use the 'f' word when speaking of one anoither in a friendly positive tone doesn't bother me at all.
I imagine it might be akin to Black men and women who use the 'n' word with each other.
But, Dan used the 'f'word in a very derogatory way and that's where I think he messed up. If we as gay men use that word in a derogatory term towards one another then we cannot be upset when straight haters use it against us, too,
The F word will never be part of my language. We may have mainstream here in Montreal, but no further than the '90s it could still be a scary place sometimes with enough morons around to throw it at our faces. Still carries a bitter taste... whatever tone you use. I have a str8 friend who used to tease me like that and he got a piece of my mind for it. I don't think we are ready to integrate this into our speech, nor would I wish for it.
:/~
HUGZ
You know what, at this point I think we just have to accept that Dan is showing us who he is. It's not a mistake or oops situation. He's just being him. Unapologetically so. When Rush Limbaugh says crappy things, I'm never surprised. I may be disappointed. But never surprised. I think Dan's reached that point with me. The benefit of the doubt is gone. Like Maya Angelou says, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Do we still need to call him on this stuff, absolutely. But we have to stop making excuses for him. His intentions are clear.
Dan, do what you got to do!
I'm with Bob on this one. Even though I refrain from using it (with the rare exception of slang like "fag hag" and so on) using the word amongst friends who understand and know each others' boundaries is TOTALLY different than tweeting it to a worldwide audience. Even more ass-backward is offering up this "it's not an insult" defense when you head up an organization that says the opposite.
Personally I think Dan thinks he can say anything because of his more positive deeds like It Gets Better cancels them out somehow. Ms. Dan is dealing with some demons over there.
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