Quick Thought about Relationships

When you're thinking about getting into a relationship, keep in mind, you have to accept the other person's fears, shortcomings and doubts.

Being with someone isn't all rose petals and glorious sex, it's really getting to know someone and accepting them for who they are.

I think we forget that sometimes.

Random Feelings

So, I learned that my ex is moving away from Cali-Cal. We haven't spoken since we broke up two years ago. I wanted to remain friendly, but I think he needed to keep the distance. So that what I did, I honored his wishes. I didn't want it to be that way, but it is what it is, right?

Anywho, he moving away and I have mixed emotions. I don't want him back, but I still care. I spent over 7 years with him, so of course, I still care. I'm a little mad at him for not wanting to be friendly, but I understand. I have no ill will towards him.

I hope he finds happiness and the life he deserves.

Interesting Quote: Winston Wilde

"I would feel comfortable saying that at least four out of five long-term gay male couples are not monogamous. Monogamy rarely does work for more than two years -- for most straight and bi men, as well."

Winston is a sexologist and a part of this interesting article about non-monogamy in gay relationships.

Real Talk: The Power of Loneliness

My friend and I were talking the other night at our favorite diner. He told me that he somewhat gives his ex (the sad ex, I wrote about before) false hope about a possible future.

When I dug a little further, he revealed that he does just because he's lonely. My friend said it gives him a sense of security that somebody out there wants him. I was a little shocked, but I could see where he was coming from.

One of my friends stayed in a relationship for 6 years acting as a bottom, but was really a top. He never said anything until it was too late and his relationship ended because of it. He later said that he stayed quiet because he didn't want to be alone.

Another friend slept around because he didn't want to be alone every night.

And I stayed in an useless relationship for 7 months because I didn't want to be lonely.

How many of us have done interesting things just to avoid loneliness?

I told my friend that it was unfair to his ex and to himself. He knew that, but felt if he completely let him go, the loneliness will eat him alive.

I hope he can change his frame of thinking.

Adam's Single

Yeah, I think Adam did a good thing. I would break up with him too, if he looked like that.

Lord, I can get more meat on a neckbone.

The Case of a Sad Ex?

My friend, the boy from Ohio, has a Sad Ex.

What's a Sad Ex?

Well, the Sad Ex is:

• calls more the 3 times a day just to talk.
• always talk about the past.
• always acts as if y'all never broke up.
• always wants to know if you sleeping with the new friend of yours.
• still tries to have sex with you.
• gets really upset if you start dating anyone new.
• very jealous for no ass reason.
• somewhat unstable.
• have no friends of their own.
• totally dependent on you.

Every time he talks about this guy, I want to vomit out nails and tacks. It's hard to hear about this guy, because a Sad Ex should be a myth. I can't imagine being that caught up in my ex. I get "puppy love", but a Sad Ex is hard issue to wrap my head around.

I mean, I was very hurt by my first break-up and hoped we would get back together. However, I realized we were not meant to be so, I moved on. It wasn't easy, but it had to be done.
I didn't want to be a Sad Ex.

Do any of you know a Sad Ex... Or been one? Share, please.

For the Men I've (fill in the blank) Before

Men...Men...Men

I was just thinking about the men I've had relations, feelings and drama with over the years. The list is quite interesting because none of the guys are nothing alike. And those experiences run the gamut from here to OZ.

To give y'all some insight into my madness, I'll share some of my crazy men moments.

• My high school crush was my world, my everything. When I was thinking about joining the army (ha ha, that's too funny), he talked me out of it. He told me to apply to college with him. And since I was so in "love", I followed him to college. However in college, we drifted apart, but we reconnected a couple of years later. I came out to him and he was totally cool about it. He also knew I had a crush on him. I was shocked, but happy that he was accepting of me.
  
• One of my college roommates and I had a great time together. We were good friends, even our girlfriends were best friends. But we had a small secret, were sleeping with each other. We fell hard for each other, but neither of us were ready to move forward. And because of that dilemma, our friendship/relationship broke down.
• Another guy I was fooling around with in college had a girlfriend and another guy on the side. But stupid me decided to stay with him because he had a hot, tight porn star body. However, the deal breaker was his desire to dress in women's clothing.
• A guy I really, really wanted didn't want to date because he thought he wasn't good enough for me... And he believed his cock was too small.
• And that same guy, had an ex I hooked up with during my 23rd birthday. For a year, his ex and I was secretly hooking up. It took me years to tell that guy about that strange affair.
• My first boyfriend was very young and we dated for a few months. We broke up because he was moving to Boston for grad school. He said the distance would hurt us (he would have been 5 hours away from me). A few months later, he start dating a guy who lived 14 hours from him.
• My second boyfriend was basically a rebound from my first boyfriend. He was a total mistake, but he gave me my dream "lose my virginity" night with rose petals and champagne.
• I dated a high school counselor who had many personal issues like: self-doubt, father issues, anxiety and trust issues. Remember, he was a counselor.

Men... Can't live without'em, but kinda want to forget about'em sometimes.

When are you Too Old to Hook-Up?

A friend of mind just told me that he is too old to be hooking-up with guys. He just turn 30 and now he's in the "find a husband" mode.

I asked him, "Why do you think you're too old?"

He believes that no good man would want a barfly over the age of 30. A good man wants another good man. Now, mind you that my friend and I are from the South, so we have weird and ancient views of morals and virtue.

I told him that a good man with accept everything about you if he likes you. But my friend disagrees with me; he still thinks if your whoring it out after 30, you're damaged.

I can't really explain his logic, plenty of single men over 30 have active sex lives and they are not damaged. I just don't get why he's holding on to this foolishness. If you like a guy and mood is right, there's nothing wrong with a little 'pudding tasting'. That's 2 grown men making a decision that is usually good for the both of them (sometimes).

The fact that you are considered "damaged" is crazy. I told my friend that he should lighten up. He should have his standards, but have a little fun too.

Threesomes + Monogamy + Gay Couples = For Real?

Joe Kort, a psychotherapist and author of books on gay male development and gay male couples wrote an interesting article about Gay Monogamy. Apparently you can have monogamy and threesome too.

Kort met a gay couple who said they're monogamous, but have threesomes. He asked them again and they said the same thing: "We are monogamous. We only have three-ways together, and are never sexual with others apart from each other."

But is that monogamy? Well everyone has their beliefs, but for me, it's not monogamy, it's a potential Drama-ramy. To be in a couple means, two, you and him, you and her. If someone else is brought in, everything changes. Some would argue that it's just sex, and not everything else in the relationship. Still, it feels like a excuse to have a threesome.

I'm in a relationship and I couldn't imagine bringing someone else in our bed. It's fun when you're single, but I won't do it while I'm in a serious relationship. I know some folks like the thrill and energy, but I feel there's a hidden cost.

However, I know it works for some folks, they make it work. But I have also seen it destroy relationships. It's becoming acceptable to all couples, but is it something consider? For me, no, I'm too selfish and I'm Southern (which means I'm stubborn and set in my ways). So the jury (for me) is still out there. But if works for you, more power to you.

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