Are Gay Men More Masculine?

Dating Paranoia is Real

So, I met this guy over the holiday break. We've been in contact in the past, but we finally got together after some 'cute' texting. Once we met, we completely connected. We have a lot in common and he fits what I'm looking for.

But, I also have this underlying fear. The week we spent watching movies, eating and getting to know each other was great. However, I can't help but to think this is too good to be true. I shouldn't be so doubtful, but if I've learned anything from gay men is that when they're not ready, they will leave. Cut and run, leaving a mess for you to clean.

So far, he's not like that. He's been great, I think I'm just scared. I should just enjoy what happening and go with the flow.

Lord, has years of dating made me this paranoid?

Gay Men & Racial Preference - VIDEO

Actor and activist Wilson Cruz and psychotherapist Matthew Dempsey talk about the role race plays in dating and how the phrase "it's a preference" isn't the best thing to say or believe.

New Infographic reveals interesting results on Gay Dating Apps

GrabHim.net conducted a nationwide survey of nearly 4,000 gay men to gage their behavior on Gay Apps. Below are the results, some are surprising, some are not.

Can you tell if a guy is a Top or Bottom by their Dance Moves? - VIDEO

Interesting Quote: Dalton Heinrich

The abundance of thirty and forty something’s that attend nightclubs persistently and dress like they are going to a college frat party is astounding. Instead of the Botox, barhopping and H&M wardrobes; why as a culture, are the majority of us not having children and planning our futures.

This portion of grown men clinging to the wild nights and serial dating of their twenties seem to live in a secret Neverland. It is this category of men that I have personally diagnosed with Peter Pan Syndrome. These Lost Boys that are terrified of actually looking their age and are always fighting off time instead of aging gracefully and being something helpful for the young gay man to idolize?

What do you think?

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Interesting Quote: Courtney Act

Gay men have all sorts of body image issues, which I definitely know now living in West Hollywood. Facebook is just white, topless, muscular gay man after muscular gay man. For years I was clinging to this image of a man -- I wanted to look like a DNA underwear model. And I remember struggling with drag because I wanted to be more masculine, but then I also respected Courtney and wanted her to be the main focus, because my passion for drag was so strong. I was always trying to be a bit more butch in the bedroom, and I literally felt myself going, 'Hang on, he's into women; you shouldn't be butch.' And I wasn't going to be feminine either because then I'd feel strange as well. In these moments, I'd be like, I don't know; it does not compute. It was only recently that I was getting intimate with someone, and I just realized I was completely comfortable with being a feminine kind of boy. Like, "Oh, you know, you don't have a six-pack and you're not an underwear model, and that's okay." It was a nice little moment for me.

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My experience with a Gay Cat Daddy

This weekend, I experienced my first Cat Daddy.

Now, what is a Cat Daddy? A CD is an older man, usually over 50, who is single and have NO SHAME to mingle.

Nothing wrong with that, but CDs are very aggressive and they always go after anyone they want.

This weekend, at my friend's birthday party, this guy (I'll call him, K) came in and sat by me. He is a nice guy and decent looking, but very short. Anywho, K was being nice to everyone and chilling. Suddenly, I get a text.

It was Cat Daddy K.

He got my number from the group text for the party. He asked if my friend Kyle was my man and I told him, "no".

Then, he start telling me about how fine I am and how he wants to taste me. I tried to keep it cool, until he start slipping his hand under my seat to feel my butt!

I was so caught off guard by this guy's boldness. I threw him a "No Sir" look and he texted an apology. However, he still wants to make it up by taking me out to dinner.

Oh, he also said that if I needed some dick, he will break me off. I told him that's okay... I was good.

New York Times Study: Many Gay Men are Closeted and Married to Women

Seth Stephens-Davidowitz conducted a study, from dating and porn sites, to find out the number of gay men in this country. However, this study revealed some interesting and scary info.

Queerty listed the key findings:

* At least 5 percent of American men are “predominantly attracted” to men.

* Millions of gay men are still in the closet to some degree; one-tenth of gay men say they haven’t come out to most of the important people in their lives.

* Gay men are half as likely as straight men to be open about their sexuality on social networks.

* More than one quarter of gay men hide their sexuality from anonymous surveys; about 3.6 percent of American men tell anonymous surveys they are attracted to men.

* While some gays move out of less tolerant states, it’s not as many as you’d think. The openly gay population of those states would only be about 0.1 percent higher if they stayed.

* In all states, about 5 percent of porn searches are for gay porn, suggesting that there are just as many gays in less tolerant states as anywhere else.

* For every 20 percentage points of support for marriage equality, about one-and-a-half times as many men from that state will identify openly as gay on Facebook.

* A “large number” of gay men are married to women. Google searches suggest wives suspect their husbands of being gay. Like, a lot. Especially in the super Bible states.

This is a little sad to read because we still have a long way to go. I know these are based from apps and sites, but still, it's very telling about our community.

Very interesting.

My opinion on dating someone 20 years younger than me

There is a lot of talk about Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black age difference.

There are pros and cons to this, we can't deny that.

Still, it's their business. Someone asked me if I would date a 19 year-old guy and quickly said NO. Why? Well, I work with college kids. I couldn't imagine dating any of them... Any of them. For one, they're still growing and learning, I couldn't see myself being romantically involved with them during that time.

Hell, I remember being 19. I was a hot mess.

Plus, I want a man. Someone who's been through some things, you know? I need to feel that we're equals. I don't think a guy under the age of 25, could give me that. Maybe for someone else, but not for me.

However, it works for some, go for it.

What in the F*ck? A Sharp increase in Unprotected Sex among Gay Men

WTF? Why is this on the rise again?

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, men are having unprotected anal sex a lot more than before. In fact, the numbers rose almost 20% from 2005 to 2011. And according to the 2011 survey, most of these men don't know the H.I.V. status of the other guy.

Really? We are here again? I know a lot of this has to with self-esteem and other personal issues, but please fam, think of your lives and others!

These numbers can't continue to grow! They can't!

Go here for more on this disturbing news.

10 Things you can do to be the Good Guy

In the world of Gay men, the goal to be the 'Good Guy' can as hard as loosing weight. For some, it's easy and for others, let's just say they will never get there.

In my experiences over the years, I have seen all types of guys, but on rare occasions (like the Great Pumpkin) a few Good Guys make an appearance. But if you are struggling to be the good one, I have some ideas that may help you.

1. Create a honest profile. If you're on the gay apps or OkCupid, make sure you create a honest profile about yourself. Keep it brief, but keep it real.
2. Keep up communication. Make sure the other guy knows what you are up to. 
3. Make your intentions known. If you want a BF, say so, but if you want a FB, say that too. Don't try to mask the truth.
4. Listen. Listening is key.
5. Challenge yourself. We are complex people. Your views will be tried and tested, so be open to the difference your guy may bring.
6. If you ain't feeling, end it. Don't drag it out, just end it and carry on.
7. Stay consistent in your interactions. Be a stand up guy all the way, not just for sex.
8. Be affectionate... Or learn to be.
9. Let him know where he stands with you. 
10. Tell truth. Believe me, it goes a long way

My Mad, Mad, Mad Dating World

The dating world is a strange place.

I'm continuing to learn a lot about guys that runs the gamut from interesting, sad to amazing.

Today in my crazy world, I was trying to see if these two guys were possibles. One is a teacher who's tatted up, but has a heart of gold. The other guy is a dreamer and highly creative chap like me.

The teacher fits more of my ideal type and the dreamer connects with my creative energy, but at the end of the day, neither of them gave me that spark. The teacher has somewhat given up and just wants friends. Relationships have worn him down, so he's only focusing on friendships. The dreamer, well, there's no romantic connection.

I tried. I've kissed him, hung out on a few dates, but nothing gave me that 'feeling'. What's the feeling? Well, it's that spark of thoughts where you see yourself dating, going on road trips, taking FB pics and being sexual. Nope, I didn't get those vapors. I got more of a friendship vibe. It was truly clear this past Saturday night that being friends was the way to go.

But then, this happened. A guy I briefly talked to a month ago, popped up again. We re-connected on Friday night. We had a good convo, which continued the next day. On Saturday night, we talked on the phone for 5 hours straight. I haven't did anything like that since High School. We decided to hang out on Monday, but on Sunday, decided to meet that night.

So, on Sunday night, we hung out and had a really good first date... Great actually. It was that kind of a date that lingered on, in a good way. We drove around, talking about Carrie, Buffy, and horror movies. It was a great night.

We decided to meet up this week for another date. I'm very excited about him, which makes me a little nervous. So far, he fits my likes and style... and he's a great kisser. I guess, we will see how this will go, but I have to say... He's winning right now.

10 Reasons Why Grindr may be not Good for Us

Yesterday, there was a new Grindr to download. The minute I heard this, I was already soooo over it and somewhat sad.

This social app has become a quick way for gays to meet, and a quick way to see some of the worst in gay men. The art of conversation is lost with this app and tact... Chile please.

I'm not so sure this Grindr thing is a good thing. So here are my reasons why I'm not a fan.

1. You are judged strictly by a pic. Everything about you is reduced to how you look in a selfie. When you think about it, you should feel just a tad bit cheap.
2. Liars are King. Grindr allows folks to lie badly about who they are. Yeah, we all embellish about ourselves from time to time. But here, you don't have to tell the truth. In fact, you can be the person you always want to be.
3. Conversations are reduced to this :) and this :(.
4. Racism runs unchecked and cloaked by the belief of preference. To say, you are not into Asians or White guys only is racist. 
5. Some guys believe that a torso or cock shot is the best they have to offer. These same guys will claim that you have to know them in order to judge them. 
6. This app gives guys the right to be mean. Because you are hiding behind an app, doesn't give you the right to hate on someone for fun.
7. This app dumbs down social skills. 
8. Some guys don't realize that emotions are involved.
9. Grindr isn't Candy Crush, however guys continue to play with other guys' feelings like a game.
10. Some guys are basing their worth by what others on Grindr think of them. Remember, these guys are not being honest about themselves. So, to validate yourself from their views isn't a good move.

Some say Grindr is killing the gay bar culture. If that's the case, then we should be worried. If we have to depend on apps like this, will we be able to truly get to know someone?

Causal Talk: Chatting

Me: I'm a blogger and a writer.
Him: That's cool; are you published?
Me: Yes, in two magazines.
Him: So am I, we should connect more.
Me: Sure, do you have FB?
Him: I do,well, I did... We don't do that anymore, he has Syphilis.
Me: Um, I meant Facebook.
Him: Oh, fuck! I thought you meant, Fuck Buddy.

That's my life in the world of dating

Daddies are making a Comeback

I have always liked older guys.

Since I was in Middle School, I had a thing for my P.E. teacher/coach... Actually, I had a thing for many coaches in my teen years.

Anywho, the point of this post is about the rise of the Daddies.

Older guys do have it and finally, the community is catching on it.

From the NY Mag

An informal poll of men reveals that there seems to be an uptick of younger men who are interested in guys of my “seasoned” age bracket. “Guys my age could care less about me. At all,” says one friend in his forties. “Which is fine. We all seem to be occupied with the interests of much younger guys lately.” 

To meet the demand, a daddy industry is developing. There are now tons of non-leather daddy porn sites, a hookup app, Daddyhunt, for “Gay Daddies, Silver Daddies, Muscle Daddies, Bears, Leather Daddies, Big Daddies, and Daddy-Lovers." There is an increasing number of gay porn actors and escorts, who, despite the decimation of the gay adult film industry thanks to Internet, have extended their careers into middle age with equal, if not greater, popularity (Chase Hunter, Allen Silver, and Cole Maverick, to name a few); according to one male escort friend, getting good “reviews” from satisfied customers on the website Daddy’s Reviews has become crucial for business. 

In turn, daddy has gone from being a porn thing to defining a broader range of men. “If you’re hearing daddy more and more, I think that it’s because more gay men are allowing themselves to be attracted to different types of people,” says Conner Habib, a writer, lecturer, and adult-film star. “Rather than a uniform experience of beauty, people want a personalized experience of it. What could be more personalized than a daddy? It expresses character, relationship, experience.”

The Daddies are running it.

New Study: Straight men more stressed, depressed than Gay Men

A Canadian study focusing on anxiety and sexual orientation, says that straight men suffer more depression and more stress than gay and bi men.

Interesting, I know, but here's more:

"Interestingly and contrary to our hypothesis, gay and bisexual men had significantly lower depressive symptoms and allostatic load levels than heterosexual men," wrote lead author Robert-Paul Juster, a neuroscientist at McGill University.

Heterosexual men registered a third higher on an index of allostatic load compared with gay and bisexual men. In contrast, lesbian and bisexual women ranked higher than heterosexual women on the index.

Noting that clinical indexes for stress include measures of body weight and fat, authors speculated that it was possible that gay and bisexual men focused more on maintaining thinness and muscularity than straight men.

The last piece is interesting because some gays have an unhealthy focus on their bodies from peer pressure and dating purposes.

However, this is some good info. Read the rest of the article here

The Top 10 Promiscuous Gay Cities In America

This is interesting and somewhat sad. SeekingArrangement.com asked 11,000 gay folks about the top hook-up cities. Let me rephrase that... the top 10 'Booty, Booty' cities in America.

And here they are:

1. West Hollywood 
2. Washington, D.C. 
3. San Francisco
4. Seattle 
5.  Columbus, OH 
6.  Chicago
7. San Diego 
8.  NYC 
9.  Houston 
10. ATL
    

I co-sign on all of these, especially WeHo, it's a mess... I just realized that I've been to all of these cities at least twice. 

Guys, please try to be more than a Hot Body

I've said this before, but I'm going to keep saying it because this is still an issue. Men, you need to build your skill set up just as much as you do your bodies.

I'm still hearing how guys (especially in LA) have these hot bodies, but everything else is broke. Somebody please stop being nice to these guys and let them know the truth. If these guys' skill set is sloppy, tell them to clean that up.


These days, guys have to come fully packed like a new car. Everything has to be 'cute', not just the body, but the mind, the heart and soul. Oh sex too, you have to know how to work it. No one wants sad sex... That's a dealbreaker.

But back to the main point. Make sure you are the full meal deal and not just a shiny object. You will go far if you present yourself as a worthy catch. And for the guys who gets caught up in a healthy looking body, try to get caught up in a health spirit and heart. Those are hot things too.

Do Gay Men Talk Funny? Research Says So

In an interesting study, gay men actually speak differently from straight men. I mean in someways we do, not many straight guys sound like Harvey Fierstein. But this study goes in detail about how we pronounce words and stuff.

A new study from Ohio State University psychologists reports that the average person can, more often than not, tell the difference between gay and straight male speakers. The secret, they report, is in the vowels. Seven gay men and seven straight men were asked to record monosyllabic words for the researchers. The recordings were then played back for subjects of the study, who responded with whether they thought the speaker was gay or straight after hearing the first letter sound of the word, the first two letter sounds, and the entire word.

It wasn’t until the first two-letter sounds, which generally included a vowel, that the subjects’ guessing accuracy soared. The listeners chose the correct orientation 75 percent of the time.

Erik C. Tracy of Ohio State, lead author of the study, said:

I’m not sure what exactly the listeners are responding to in the vowel. Other researchers have done various acoustic analyses to understand why gay and heterosexual men produce vowels differently. Whatever this difference is, it seems that listeners are using it to make this sexual orientation decision. … We believe that listeners are using the acoustic information contained in vowels to make this sexual orientation decision.

Again, it's interesting. Check out the rest of the article and study.

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