In a convo with some friends, a couple of them said they can't do monogamy. I raised an eyebrow, trying not to judge.
They said there's too much going on to be all hugged up with one guy. One of my friends just came out and said it's too hard. I asked for them to elaborate, but they really couldn't pinpoint their reasons. But I wonder how others feel.
Do y'all think monogamy is too hard?
It's hard if you really aren't that committed. But, having been in a monogamous relationship for twelve years now--and certain that this is where I want to be--it isn't hard at all.
ReplyDeleteWhy stray when the man I love is right here?
No, monogamy shouldn't be difficult at all, if that is your choice.
ReplyDeleteIF I were ever in a relationship I would hope it would be a monogamous one. However, I believe that we are animals and monogamy is a rare condition in the animal kingdom. I understand why guys are in "open" relationships.
ReplyDeleteReasons why I think people open their relationship or do not choose monogamy (based on my own experience):
ReplyDelete- one of the partners is experiencing a period of low-libido due to stresses, health issues, age, etc. Therefore, the other partner steps out from time to time.
- the relationship is very solid due to emotional fidelity and neither partner feels insecure by having their side play.
- both partners are not conventional or vanilla at all, and feel the need from 3 somes or group play.
- one of both partners lost their passion for the relationship and seek that heat elsewhere.
- one of the guys was at the right place, at the right time, with the means of making something happen with a hot guy. Basically, the dick took control.
Vicktor as you know my "marriage" to Marcos lasted 20 years. For about half of that time we were exclusively monogamous, and most of the time it felt wonderful, other times it felt like a chore.
At different moments in our life together we did open the relationship up. At times it was some of the most fun we had, and at times it was a band-aid that took the place of work that had to be done in our relationship. No regrets, but would have done somethings slightly different.
Since his passing, I remain grateful for the time I had with him. I see how we truly took care of each other over the years, and we both never doubted that we had each other's back.
That is what I would be concerned with the most, whether or not I was with someone that was devoted to my well being as I was to his, and that we had a link that was of mind and heart.
Different strokes for different folks. I tend to think that open relationships are for people trying to have their cake and eat it too, but I acknowledge that some may succeed and even be better than monogamous relationships for the persons involved ... so I won't pretend my prejudice is based on any hard evidence (I'd love to see a sociological study of open relationships).
ReplyDeleteBut I don't see myself ever being open to an open relationship: besides the potentially hairy emotional issues, there're STDs and other issues to contend with that make it just not worth it IMO.
I am starting to see why some people despise gay men, they fuck anything with a pulse and aren't loyal.
ReplyDeleteUh yeah, that. I see open relationships are usually for the emotionally immature and want to live in the "Peter Pan" mindset. However, if you are well over 50 and still carrying on open relationships, good luck keeping that up because gravity eventually takes effect on your looks.
ReplyDeleteThere are too many STD/STIs going around these days for people to think it is A'OK to place yourself at risk. You live and learn but don't try to formulate a "relationship" around it because it is just a glorified "friends with benefits" situation.
It could be hard because many of us struggle with the reality of being in love with one person while still being attracted to other men we see. We think, or least I did, that once you commit to someone other men become like ghosts. And they did, at least emotionally.
ReplyDeleteBut I think if you put it in its proper place--meaning you recognize that noticing other men is a natural thing and that whoever momentarily catches your eye has got their issues as well--and recognize what you have and appreciate it, monogamy shouldn't be hard. Though at the end of the day, everyone has to do what works for them.