Hey Vic! Very interesting. Just one thing. Bobo's gloves are described as being white when he holds the door open, but then are described as being red in the full description immediately following.
Is this a complete story or an intro to something larger?
It definitely feels like the intro to something considerably larger, meaning it left me wanting to know MORE!! Which is hard to do these days! Can't wait to see more of your writing!
Not sure if you'd be interested but a friend of mine is entering this movie script concept. Why not give em some REAL competition?
My regular rate is $500/hour, but I'll give you a break because I like you.
ReplyDeleteOh My God!!!! That was unexpected!! I loved it!
ReplyDeleteInteresting.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest concern is why was there a clown in the elevator? I think I would make it a costume party, or based at Circus Circus.
I just changed it to explain why the clown was there. Thanks for the fb, Ken
ReplyDeleteHey Vic! Very interesting. Just one thing. Bobo's gloves are described as being white when he holds the door open, but then are described as being red in the full description immediately following.
ReplyDeleteIs this a complete story or an intro to something larger?
it could be more, but it's also for my grad school application
ReplyDeleteIt definitely feels like the intro to something considerably larger, meaning it left me wanting to know MORE!! Which is hard to do these days! Can't wait to see more of your writing!
ReplyDeleteNot sure if you'd be interested but a friend of mine is entering this movie script concept. Why not give em some REAL competition?
http://studios.amazon.com/contests